i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
