Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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