This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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