Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize