yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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