i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
