Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
