i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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