porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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