You just made me feel so damn special
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
