So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
