He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
