What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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