We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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