I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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