they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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