dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
