holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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