i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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