I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize