my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize