Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
