I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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