Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
