We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
