i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
