but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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