she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
