the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
