WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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