Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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