hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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