At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
