oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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