My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
