haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
