I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
