wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
