would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
