i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
