I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
