Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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