Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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