Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
