He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize