I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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