At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
