I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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