So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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