I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
