I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
