I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize