Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just gift wrapped bread.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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