I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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