I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pooping to opera.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
