all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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