he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
