We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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