so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
