You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
