Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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