First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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