and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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