your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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