dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize