he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
