one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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