Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
