I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My nipple is on Facebook.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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