The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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