I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Green mimosas i think yes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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