I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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