Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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