You work out of a Hotel?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
