My nipple is on Facebook.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
