dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
