Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
