she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
