Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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