Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
