I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
