I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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