it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
