ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
