your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
