My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
