This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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