If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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