did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
